Always
by Bent Rose Standing Tall
Summary: Inspired by the song always by Bon jovi or more specifically by one verse. When all hope of love seems lost forever Snape is given a second try, more info inside. Snape/Lilly.


Quick note, the stuff in bold italics is condensed quotes from the Harry Potter books.

Disclaimers; As always no copyright infringement intended. The characters and settings aren't mine I just play with them.

Now about this story, well I was in the car a while ago and a song by bin jovi came on the radio and my friend said that it was so very Snape. So i listened to it again later and he was right. I've pasted the lyrics below but it's worth listening to. And ther was one part of the song that got to me. It goes "but baby if you give me just one more try we can pack up our old dreams and our old lives and find a place where the sun still shines" and i thought what if somehow Snape got that second try with Lilly. How could it happen and how would Harry's life be different. And how if at all could Voldemort be got rid of. Well it became a bit of a brain worm and I got a few ideas so I decided to write a fan fiction. I' got the first chapter mostly done but it's been sitting in my phone for a while. The loss of Alan Rickman prompted me to get going with it again. So here is the first chapter. Dedicated of course to Alan Rickman a truly magnificent Snape.

Bon jovi. Always.

This Romeo is bleeding

But you can't see his blood

It's nothing but some feelings

That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me

Now I'm drowning in the flood

You see I've always been a fighter

But without you I give up

Now I can't sing a love song

Like the way it's meant to be

Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore

But, baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby, always

And I'll be there forever and a day, always

I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine

'Til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme

And I know when I die,

You'll be on my mind

And I'll love you always

Now your pictures that you left behind

Are just memories of a different life

Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry

One that made you have to say goodbye

What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair

To touch your lips, to hold you near

When you say your prayers, try to understand

I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near

When he says the words you've been needing to hear

I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine

To say to you 'til the end of time

Yeah, I will love you, baby, always

And I'll be there forever and a day, always

If you told me to cry for you

I could

If you told me to die for you

I would

Take a look at my face

There's no price I won't pay

To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck

In these loaded dice

But, baby, if you give me just one more try

We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives

We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby, always

And I'll be there forever and a day, always

I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine

'Til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme

And I know when I die,

You'll be on my mind

And I'll love you, always

" ** _I'm sorry.'_**

 ** _'I'm not interested.'_**

 ** _'I'm sorry!'_**

 ** _'Save your breath.'_**

 ** _'I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.'_**

 ** _'I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just –'_**

 ** _'Slipped out?' There was no pity in Lily's voice. 'It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?'_**

 ** _'I can't pretend any more. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.'_**

 ** _'No – listen, I didn't mean –'_**

 ** _'– to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?'_**

Lilly turned and swept back into her common room, the portrait slammed shut behind her and I was left alone in the corridor frozen to the spot. It slowly sunk in that With one careless word I had driven away the only person I truly cared about. I knew that she had been drifting away from me for over a year now, that as I drew closer to becoming a death eater she drew further away. But she had still always been there, willing to hang out with me, willing to talk, willing to be my friend. And somehow I had always felt sure I could change her mind about the death eaters and the the plans the dark lord had to make wizard kind prosper. Deep down I had Always believed that eventually we would be together. I had loved her since we were 10 and I believed that she had been close to loving me back. But now I realised that I had well and truly blown any shot I might have had and in the instant that realisation hit my heart shattered. Numbly I turned and walked slowly back to bed.

Heading late for lunch I walked across the grounds and back towards the school. I was half way through my seventh year and just as I had feared Lilly had chosen James potter. The man who had tormented me and whom I had tormented all through our time at Hogwarts. I tried to walk to the school doors without looking but my eyes turned towards the lake as they always did. She was there, they were all sitting there in their favourite spot, lounging in the spring sunshine. she was leaning against his shoulder with her eyes shut smiling at some joke the others were laughing about. They had finished lunch and were Enjoying the first truly warm day of the year. I tried to do as my friends suggested and see them as my foes. I knew where my allegiance would soon lie and it was clear to see where theirs would lie. Soon they and I would leave this place and join the struggle for power that was happening outside of the bubble of the school. We would join oposite sides and would truly be against one another. but when I looked at her it was impossible to see a foe. All I could see was the girl I loved.

I woke up, got out of bed, crossed the room and leaning on the sill looked out of my window. It was today. Today she would get married to him. I knew this day was coming ever since they had gotten together in seventh year. Despite how juvenile he had been right up to 6th year in the 7th James grew up, and when he did it became plain that his values matched hers exactly. They started dating and haven't been apart since. Once again I reminded myself that They were now my enemies. When we all left school they joined the war on Dumbledore's side, They were against my Lord and that meant they were against me, that she was against me. Every day I woke up and reminded myself that she was my enemy now, but I still couldn't see her that way. When I thought about her I still couldn't see anything other than the woman I loved. And despite the reminder I tried to give myself I still ached with pain as I thought of the wedding that would take place in a few short hours. Part of me wanted to go, to sneak in and see it for myself but I couldn't I knew that as much as I wanted to I cared about her too much to disrupt her wedding, and to see her joined to him without trying to stop it would break me. Just thinking about it was almost too much. So I stayed at the window not moving just staring until I lost track of the time while the sun climed the sky and passed overhead. Then I turned my head and looked at the time. It was over she had married him I had well and truly lost.

She is pregnant. My lord has a spy in dumbledores ranks one of his friends turned to our cause. he told us today at a meeting. He Mentioned it in passing in the middle of his report. Everybody else brushed the information aside, Nobody cares but me. I didn't let anybody see how much the I formation mattered to me. To an observer I seemed to brush it off the same as the others but inside I was in agony. I should have expected this, they had been married several months and of course she would want children. Perhaps it was because we had only spent time together as children, but the idea of them having a child had never occurred to me. And is the information sunk in I thought perhaps it was good that the thought hadn't occurred to me. The very idea of his child growing in her was almost too much to bear.

I paced my room. I was Unable to think clearly. I was terrified out of my mind. I HAD TO ACT but how. The pain of driving her away, of knowing she was marrying him, that was nothing. This; the idea that she might cease to exist, this was pain beyond imagining. My lord had refused to spare her for me. I had begged and he had refused. I had as good as killed her, I had signed her death warrant. I had never imagined that when I told my lord what I had heard that he would think of her. I never dreamed that my information could put her in danger. It hadn't occurred to me that the prophecy could be about her son. But now it was crystal clear. Now I realised I had been a fool not to have seen it before. And I also knew that I had been wrong to tell my lord. I had been so very wrong for so very long. But where did that leave me, and Where did my loyalty lie. I had accepted now that She wasn't, never had been, as I had tried to convince myself, my enemy, she was my everything. And I had to save her whatever the cost. it came to me in the middle of my blind panic that only one person could help her now. And in that instant I knew what I had to do. And as I pictured her face I gained the courage to betray my lord, to do whatever it took to save her life.

" ** _Don't kill me!'_**

 ** _'That was not my intention.'_**

 ** _'Well, Severus? What message does Lord Voldemort have for me?'_**

 ** _'No – no message – I'm here on my own account!'_**

 ** _'I – I come with a warning – no, a request – please –'_**

 ** _Dumbledore flicked his wand. Though leaves and branches still flew through the night air around us, silence fell on the spot where he and i faced each other._**

 ** _'What request could a Death Eater make of me?'_**

 ** _'The – the prophecy … the prediction … Trelawney …'_**

 ** _'Ah, yes,' said Dumbledore. 'How much did you relay to Lord Voldemort?"_**

 ** _"Everything – everything I heard!'. 'That is why – it is for that reason – he thinks it means Lily Evans!'_**

 ** _'The prophecy did not refer to a woman,' said Dumbledore. 'It spoke of a boy born at the end of July –'_**

 ** _'You know what I mean! He thinks it means her son, he is going to hunt her down – kill them all –'_**

 ** _'If she means so much to you,' said Dumbledore, 'surely Lord Voldemort will spare her? Could you not ask for mercy for the mother, in exchange for the son?'_**

 ** _'I have – I have asked him –'_**

 ** _'You disgust me,'You do not care, then, about the deaths of her husband and child?_**

 ** _They can die, as long as you have what you want?'_**

 ** _'Hide them all, then. 'Keep her – them – safe. Please.'_**

 ** _'And what will you give me in return, Severus?'_**

 ** _'In – in return? Anything."_**

I sat in my new quarters at Hogwarts. This new role was terrifying. My alliegence had changed fully and truly. I had seen the truth of the dark lord when he decided to kill her. In the instant that I realised his plans the shadow had fallen from my eyes and I had seen what he truly was, seen What his ideas truly meant. I knew now that I had been a fool to be drawn in and a fool to believe and follow him. Lilly had been right all along and like her I was now Dumbledore's man through and through. However tHat didn't make my new role any easier. I had to act daily to him as if I was still his and it was terrifying. I had a natural talent for oclemency, it was the main reason Dumbledore had given this job to me, but Every time he looked at me I wondered if this would be the time he saw through my defences, if this would be my last moment. Still I was fully willing to play this part. Aside from my newfound resolve to help bring the dark lord down this was the price. To be the spy in his ranks was the price for Lilly's safety and it was worth every second of fear.

The dark lord had been thrilled when I told him I had got the job as potions master at Hogwarts. He believed that I had applied for the job so as to be able to act as his spy. He didn't suspect that the information I was feeding him was information dumbledore had chosen to disclose. Everyday I played my new role. I was a spy and a double agent And yet in this situation I had found redemption.

I had been at Hogwarts for many months now. I knew the other teachers here didn't trust me. They didn't understand why Dumbledore trusted me. but I liked my job. I was naturally highly talented at potions and I had found solace in teaching. Yet I was still afraid. Not as much of the dark lord. Not anymore. I had deceived him this long and my skills at oclemency were only growing. I felt confident in my role as the spy, but I was still terrified for her. Her son Had been born last July at the end of the month just as the prophecy foretold, he had also now had his first birthday. Dumbledore had been as good as his word and had hidden them the night I joined him but he was barely staying ahead of the dark lord. He was still hunting them now more ferociously than ever and it was getting harder and harder to keep them safe. Dumbledore was moving them almost weekly but it wasn't enough. Still this evening Dumbledore had reassured me that he now had a new plan, a plan he had told nobody about and one that he was confident would work. I hoped that it would. I needed her to be safe.

Lilly's PoV

I walked into the living room, Harry was sat laughing on the floor happily grabbing at the smoke rings that James was blowing from his wand. Instinctively I checked my pocket, to my relief my own wand was still there. I knew that we were supposed to be safe at last under the fidelis charm but I still made sure my wand was always in me just In case. Maybe it was a maternal instinct or perhaps just a gut feeling but somethings wouldn't let me relax. Wouldn't let me FEEL safe. bringing my thoughts back to the present I stepped full into the room. And smiled at my husband and son.

"James it's time for Harry to go to bed"

James looked up at me.

"Alright love." He turned back to Harry "Come on then champ you heard your mum"

He pocketed his own wand then swept up our son kissing him tenderly before passing him to me.

We turned to head for the stairs but Suddenly the door burst open with a flash and I knew my instinct had been justified. the thing I had most feared had come to pass. Somehow he had found us. Through my panic I heard James yell

""Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run"

I cast one last look at my husband as he stood between us and the door before turning and running into the kitchen and out of the back door. The house and garden had protective charms on them. Despite Voldemort getting in the charms seemed to still be functioning enough to not allow me to disaparate. I would have to make it out of the back gate at the end of the garden before I could head for safety. I took one look over my shoulder, James was now in the kitchen, he was standing in the Center of the room blocking the back door arms out and wand raised. I clutched my baby close and ran for his life. Harry was silent in my arms and so As I ran down the dark garden I could still hear what was happening in the house

"Get out of the way man"

"No! I won't let you past"

"It's not you I want, don't try to be a hero, you can still live"

"I know what you want and I won't let you get to him"

"Stand aside man I only want the boy"

"I won't. You can kill me but you can't have my son"

Don't e foolish now I won't warn you again, STAND ASIDE"

"I WONT"

"avada kedavra"

"I heard the curse as I reached the gate. Dashing trough it I turned in time to see James crumple to the floor a second later we were gone.

As I disappeared I had no idea where I was heading. I just knew that I had to get my son somewhere safe. We had known for some time that there was a spy in our ranks, but we had never thought that it was one of James's friends. Now it was clear that it had to be as they were the only people who knew about the fidelis charm and where we were. Clearly Peter had given us up but the question still stood, was he the spy or had the spy betrayed him? Without knowing that answer I couldn't risk going to any of James's friends. So then where could I go?. I had no family I felt able to go to and James had no family alive. But then as i appeared at my destination I realised that my subconscious had always known where to bring us. I had come to the one person In the magical world that I had trusted since I was a child. Dumbledore said that he could be trusted once again l, that he was on our side now and I believed that. I realised that his spirit had always been on our side it had just taken the rest of him a while to catch up. So I stood on a hill overlooking Hogwarts school, just outside of the schools own protective field and send my patronus in to make its way to the dungeons. I didn't have to wait long. within 5 minutes Severus, clearly using a privilege Dumbledore had granted him, apparated just a few feet away. I ran into his arms sobbing, and choked out what had happened.

"We were betrayed. He found us. James held him off. Harry and I escaped but James, he, he died to protect us"

"I'm just so glad you both got away"

Severus wrapped his arms tenderly around the pair of us and let me sob into his shoulder. I felt the squeezing as Severus aparated us back inside the castle to safely.


End file.
